Sunday, November 18, 2007

1st Draft- Assignment # 4

It was around 4:43 a.m. when the rather old man reached over the light oak table for his bifocals. He was perched on the chocolate colored leather chair in an ordinary way. He’s feet were crossed, slightly tilted to the left and his head was staring straight up at the ceiling. The ceiling was decorated in wallpaper from the early 1980’s. The television was still on from the previous night. It had a meaningless news show on according to the Mr. Percee. He walked over as usual to the oversized window with the crisp, dry curtains. He noticed that the weather was overcast, but bright. He meandered across the kitchen that eventually led into his bedroom. He turned on the lamp that was set in the corner of the room. Mr. Percee grabbed his blue cashmere sweater from the whicker chair with his fragile fingers. His scruffy mutt, Judy, came rushing to the bedroom doorway. She was hopping up and down coming up to Mr. Percee’s unstable knees. He asked her a simple question under his breath, “ Do you always have to become so excited when I wake up from my restless night?” he chuckled. He proceeded to the door that led him to the hallway of his apartment building. He grabbed the red leash on the way out and tightened it around Judy’s graying head. By the time Mr. Percee was out the door, Rudy accidentally got loose and ran up and down the hallway a couple of times. A senior citizen poked her head out the white door and whispered, “Hello” in her soft voice. He spoke softly, “ How do you do?” She shrugged her shoulders and sighed a sweet something. She thought to her self if I only had the guts to walk over to room 501 and invite him out to dinner.

Eventually, Mr. Percee got a hold of Judy. He pushed the button on the elevator door, the red light popped up with a down arrow. The two walked out of the glass door in the lobby into the busy New York streets. The sounds of people talking, cabs honking, and Christmas music floating in the air Mr. Percee just loved the city life. He suddenly looked over at a concrete wall on a skyscraper. It had graffiti placed all over it. Mr. Percee loved the art; it briefly made him think of Wan-chi-Sun, a famous calligrapher.

Mr. Percee turned around as usual on Willough Street. He made it back to his apartment building and pushed the up button. As he made it to floor number three, Ms. Danny was there. Before he could say a word she blurted out, “ Would you like to go out with me on Sunday night” he said exuberantly, “yes”. As he said that his heart was pounding with joy. He walked into his little apartment and hung the leash a lonely hook. On his way in, a small bracelet no larger then the palm of his hand, dropped from a tray on the table. A fragment of the bead was chipped. Mr. Percee let one tear fall from his eye; it was Ms. Perecee’s bracelet 30 years ago. As he sat there, he wondered about various things that had happened to him that day including an event that happened on the news show that morning about rare beads that had been discovered in Africa’s Cape Town. He went into his bedroom to get ready for his first date in 25 years. He ironed his best shirt and khaki pants. He checked in the mirror for any hair that may be out of place. He walked out of the door giving Ms. Danny a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She thought to herself, he has the heart of lion. The two walked down Sunny Boulevard to a wonderful night at the Palace Restaurant.

Word Count: 649

2 comments:

Holland, M. said...

Good : )
-Good detail and description
-Easy to follow
-Very good ending

Bad : (
-"He" starts over half the sentences in your story
-Dialog formating? I'm not sure if Ms. Wiesner carers but it couldn't hurt

Example:

Dialog is a tricky thing to incorporate sometimes. It has odd formating and wastes a lot of space.
"I hate dialog!" Jordan Exclaimed.
The class was not surprised, almost everyone does

Holland, M. said...

>_< ignore my example in the previous post...blogger took away all my formating which kinda destroys any point i was trying to make.